


Our Ghost Story

by CDWin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Ghost Drifting, Loss, M/M, Sad, Searching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 10:53:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13832652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CDWin/pseuds/CDWin
Summary: What is life like when you have lost it all? let Cas show you.





	Our Ghost Story

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any characters, I don't own the song that I used as breaks, I don't own the movie this may or may not resemble. Also, this is super short but complete, and complete crap but I had to get it out of my head as quick as possible and its ending with this non-proof read hunk o junk. So enjoy that.

“Look Cas I’m sorry. It’s just-ya know what? Fuck it. This house is fucking creepy Cas. I Just don’t understand what you love about it so much? We could just find something so much better, Cas.”  
“It’s the history. Don’t you feel it, Dean? I can feel it, it breaths home.”  
“Fine. Fuck, okay. Temporary Cas, temp-or-ary. Just until Sam moves to town. Then we are getting out of here. We rent, we don’t buy, dammit, don’t get attached!”  


~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Are you runnin’ late?  
Did you sleep too much?  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

He can’t tell Dean about the ghost. It started out little, a picture tipped, a glass moved out of reach, keys being hidden. For a ghost he seems to be a bit of a little shit, not that Cas minds. The ghost feels like home just as much as his little house. A little frustrating at times he supposes, but a part of this beautiful house nonetheless.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
All the awful dreams  
Felt real enough  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

He never knew the simple pleasure of laying in another person’s arms til he had met Dean. So many doors had been opened, his whole life feels complete in those moments. Sunlight falling softly over a warm bed, illuminating the swirling cloud of dust waiting on the fringes for their lives to settle. He is happy, 100% content in this life.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Is your lover there?  
Is she wakin’ up?  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“Cas, you know we have to leave here soon, right? I’m sorry I know you love it, and I love you, but we gotta leave. We just gotta. This house isn’t the end of the road for us, we need to move on. Sam is gonna be here soon, we don’t have room for him here.”  
“Dean, I get it. I do. I’ll leave, I’ll leave this house for you. If it doesn’t work though, we have to come back. I feel like I am supposed to be here, I can’t explain this to you, but, if it is you or the house you know I will pick you. You’re all I have, Dean. You’re my home too.”  
“Okay Cas, okay. Deal.”

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Did she die in the night?  
And leave you alone?  
Alone…  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  


The crash was not his fault. He was almost home when the car swerved and collided with him head on. He can see his house out the window, he was so close. God, he hopes Dean isn’t the one to find him. He just wants to go home. He just wants home.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Mirror, Mirror  
There’s your crooked nose  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“So, this is just it huh? He’s just under that sheet and I am just supposed to come in here and say ‘Hey, yup that’s the love of my life, totally dead!’ and leave? How the fuck do you expect me to do that. Who the fuck do you think I am lady?”  
“Sir, I’m sorry. I know this is hard, but it has to be done. I just need a yes or no.”  
The man under the white sheet couldn’t be Cas, it just couldn’t. This couldn’t be happening, they were supposed to grow old together. Where is their white picket fence, what happened to their happy ending?  
“Please lady, just give me a minute.”  
Cas’ hair still feels so soft on his hands.  
The echo from his boots in the hallway seem far too loud for the dark silence engulfing him.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Boring hair,  
A thousand wrinkles  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Sitting up feels like an eternity. Cas can see the white waiting to engulf him, to bring him to the other. No, not quite yet. He has to go home. Just let him go home.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
No children,  
Just emptiness  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

The sound of glass shattering on the floor slices through the silence of the house. He can’t do a damn thing other than stare as Dean falls apart. Dean is wearing black, today must have been the funeral. He wishes so damn badly that he can do something. Dean can’t feel the hand he placed on his shoulder, the lifeless look in his eyes will haunt Castiel for the rest of his time. 

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
No place like home  
Just a fucking mess,  
Mess…  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Time passes differently when you’re a ghost. One turn of your head and it has suddenly been weeks. Cas watches the snow begin to fall outside his little house, watches Dean’s cheeks hollow, watches dust settle on his own belongings. He wonders if Dean can feel him, can feel that he is right there with him through all this heartache. With all of his being he wishes that he could be there, really be there. Watching the very meaning of his existence waste away is a slow torture. He wishes so terribly that he could stop Dean’s pain. 

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
20 messages  
Did you hurt your thumbs?  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

See the funny thing about heartbreak is that hearts rarely break even, hearts rarely heal the same, and hearts can hide their scars. With one trip around the house Castiel has seen Dean contemplate suicide with a bottle of scotch in hand, screaming into his pillow in the middle of the night, throwing up every meal he attempts to eat. Castiel is broken with him. Always in the shadows, always watching. Before he realizes what is happening, he sees Dean wipe his tears. He watches him get dressed and go out, he talks to Sam again, Dean gains his weight back, he hums when he cooks.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
What a stupid game  
Getting nothing done  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

The first night Dean brings a girl home Cas can’t believe what he sees. This is his house, their house. He listens to Dean tell her how beautiful she is, how nice those pretty lips are gonna feel on him. She has dark hair and blue eyes. Cas isn’t sure if he has ever felt so mad. Books fall from the shelf startling the couple, Cas just can’t help it. He has to turn away before he does anything worse. 

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
With your longest track  
Your highest score  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

“Dean I really am sorry. I know this is hard for you, but this is going to be good for you in the end. You can’t just stay here, I know you loved him but sealing yourself in this tomb just isn’t healthy. I’m proud of you for moving on with your life.”  
“I know Sammy, its just hard. I leave this place and I leave him. He loved this place. The new place, it just feels wrong. He will never see it, we are never going to dance in the kitchen, or-or watch movies on the couch, or-fuck-even fight. Fuck Sammy I miss him so much, how am I supposed to do this without him?”  
“I don’t know Dean, but you have been. I’ve seen you fight through this for months. You have me and for now this is going to have to be enough. I’m going to wait outside for you, you have five minutes, then we are going to leave and move on. You gotta be healthy man.”  
How had Cas let this much time slip? Months. He had lost so much time, so many little moments where he must have left Dean alone to grieve. How could this have even happened? How could Dean leave him?  
If you were to ask Dean if those were tears hitting the floor, he would deny it. Tears are for babies, not men damnit. He can feel the house asking him not to leave, begging him to stay. He thinks about giving in and it is so god damn tempting. He has to leave a piece of himself here, he needs this house, this spirit it has to know that he isn’t just leaving. He couldn’t do that to Cas’ house.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
While you crush your back  
And lament the war  
War…  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Dean shoves the note under a floorboard. The nail he shut it with seems like a closing statement. With a deep breath he steels himself and walks through the door to his new beginning without knowing he is leaving his Cas behind.  
Cas can’t do anything but watch. This house he loved so much is now his tomb. There is nothing left here for him except maybe a few memories and a note that he can’t reach shoved under a floorboard. Dean is gone, he is just gone.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
All the women  
That you wanna fuck  
On the internet  
Wouldn’t give you a second look  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

The house is so empty, devoid of life and humanity, especially his own. Cas has been working for what seems like ages to slip the nail from the board. Just a little bit more wood to be scratched off before he can slip his nail underneath. He is so damn close, he needs this last piece of Dean. The sudden flash and screech from the little girl running in front of him startles him. Cas has to investigate, nail forgotten.  
The family that moved into his house is…interesting to say in the least. The little girl can sense him, he thinks. The father seems to be single, he is a good dad. He is good with the girl. He is everything Cas will never be, he has everything Cas will never have.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Did you fool yourself?  
That’s privilege  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

He supposes he should feel bad about scaring the family away. He doesn’t. Those feelings seem alien to him now, his purposelessness existence bleeds through his soul. It started with a flicker here, a pushed glass there. In his defense, he was forced to watch years of their lives. He watched this little girl wake up Christmas morning, start another year of school, learn to ride her bike, have her weekly Tuesday movie night. It was torture. It was everything he wanted. The smashing of a cabinet full of plates in front of them may have been a little overboard but it got the job done didn’t it?

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
That’s power without power  
That’s a business,  
Business  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Cas is sure his fingers would be bleeding if they could. He has watched his house decay, he has watched families grow, he has seen death and life and everything in between, and still he waits for a man who will never come while picking at a nail in a floorboard that is stuck shut. It’s close, he can feel the wood grabbing onto the nail with everything that it has left, fighting each minute slide. One final pull and he should have had it. He really shouldn’t have been surprised when the bulldozer crashed through the wall, though, knowing his luck. 

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
But we know “you” is “I”  
And I get overwhelmed  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

The highrise is unlike anything he had ever seen before. The ability of man to make such a monstrous building nearly surprises Cas. The monotony felt inside it seems to waste all the once found potential. The men and women in their suits calculating their year end reports, taking perfectly timed 30 minute lunch breaks, leaving at the same time in the same fucking cars day after day after day. Lights flicker and burn with each step he takes, he has not felt in years, not like this.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Can’t sleep at night  
Can’t convince myself  
To turn if off  
To let go  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

His second death was relatively painless. Can ghosts die? Is this field heaven? This is so not worth it. He can’t even stand it anymore, there is no end. The giggling of a little girl barely pulls him out of his reverie. Cas is broken, this little girl can sense him and his brokenness. The way she looks his way out the corner of her eye, that shy smile while she sits around the fire, the drawings in the dirt of her “friend”, she pities him. He nearly feels bad when she is shot to death. He has to turn away.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Gotta make sense  
Of the fucking war  
War  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

It smells like home. It has been so long since he has been here. It makes his heart hurt. He feels closer to Dean than he has felt in so long.  
“Look Cas I’m sorry. It’s just-ya know what? Fuck it. This house is fucking creepy Cas. I Just don’t understand what you love about it so much? We could just find something so much better, Cas.”  
Cas knows that voice, he has felt it whisper around his body while warmed with sleep, he really is home.  
“It’s the history. Don’t you feel it, Dean? I can feel it, it breaths home.”  
He remembers this day, this decision, this constant fight.  
“Fine. Fuck, okay. Temporary Cas, temp-or-ary. Just until Sam moves to town. Then we are getting out of here. We rent, we don’t buy, dammit, don’t get attached!”  
He wants so badly to scare himself away. He tries to move cups, tip pictures. Anything to change what he knows is going to happen. He wishes so desperately that he can change the past, spend one more night with his love, fight one more time about how many pillows should be on a bed, make love on the living room floor because the bed was always too damn far away, wake up once more to the smell of coffee wafting through his bedroom door.  
Cas watches himself kiss Dean goodbye and step out the door. He knows it will be the last time he will ever feel Dean’s lips on his, the last time he will ever touch him and be felt. Watching from the outside is nearly as heartbreaking as living it.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Am I runnin late?  
I get overwhelmed  
All the awful dreams  
All the bright screens  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Cas sees himself walk through the door. He can’t take his eyes off his former self. He was so sad and so lost. He has lived this, he doesn’t need to see it again.  
The nail is almost looser than it was when he had left it. He knows his purpose is not here, he will not be stuck here another lifetime.  
Dean shoves the note under a floorboard. The nail he shut it with seems like a closing statement. With a deep breath he steels himself and walks through the door to his new beginning without knowing he is leaving his Cas behind.  
It still stings. Cas knows deep down he would have done the same thing though, it’s time for him to move on. The floorboard creaks as its lifted.  
He’s free.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Is my lover there?  
Are we breaking up?  
Did she find someone else?  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

_Heya Cas, I know you will never be able to read this and I am so sorry for leaving you but it has to happen. I love you. I love you so much. My heart is beating so god damn fast writing this and I have no idea why. This is so stupid. I just miss you so bad. If you ever find your way back baby I hope you can see this and know you made me so happy, I have never lived a better life than with you. I will see you sooner rather than later, come home to me._

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
And leave me alone?  
Alone.  
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~


End file.
